Before Regret

Smart and as careful as I am,
today, I am also too far
strung thin
to carry any respect for my own skin.
Let alone the feelings of others,
so I lean hard on my closed mouth
hoping to make sleep
before regret.

Lies

Tell me lies
they make me feel better
about the truth.

How rare it is,
like gold
or diamonds.

Something to hold
and wear out of the house,
proudly,
on rare occasions.

Tell me lies
there is so little
other good
to go 'round
now.

Call it fiction,
or whatever,
if lies cull the wrong smells
in your mind.

But tell me only
a few good things
and I won't ask
for any
supporting pictures,

just tell me good
tell me sweet good lies
sweet lies.

A Balance

for all my years,
young years and more,
I thought

thought long
and that all peace
was a balance,

and not just that,
but an equal balance
all rounded and well.

Not the this
that really holds the pots
and lids together today
and has always
kept with all their weight
in water
from boiling over.

Real quiet,
or maybe it is just waiting,
is now just taking some life over death
in favor of what should be.

that is what keeps the masses
from strangling each other
so long
as no anyone
cannot make everyone happy

so long as someone loses
is it better to hold
hold us down
by our throats so we never get the upper grasp
that we'd abuse all the same
if for nothing more than getting even

everywhere we free
so much payback flows forth
how far does the betrayal run
and could it all be solved by just a major acting out
or would we end all freedoms by letting all bonds fall

dreams are dreams
and always

realities are real
and always fall a bit short
but live themselves out

dreams seem at best
slowly woven in
despite all my pleasure
in making them

like the real balance
that holds boulders
tight to the sides of mountains

stability
over gravity
in all we are
is sadly all we sometimes
are

ready to fall
at any moment

Whole Worlds

whole worlds
live in my dirty toes
and I clean them out
every day I can remember

and I mean clear them out

the sun so rare
and I don't care
I know we are all trying
but sometimes it just comes across as so little
I can't even invent a complement

hands and paws just really are not
interchangeable

close enough to sometimes understand
in the way you can glimpse what might be the details
in dark fields and under trees at a great distance durring sunset
but all you really see is the amazing colors beyond

that is how little I can know
and how much awe I can have
at almost the same time

and that is how
how flawed we can all be
in the right wrong moment

Less Lost

All that
begins
is just
closer to death

Me here stalling
am immortal
dreams of so much yet to be
no realities of such and lost

I think we are all the hunt
or call it the search
or the becoming

but so many
once there, or worse once
far enough to see the next valley,
fall upon swords

knowing this is all the better it will be
all the better
it will
wills to be

So many days
from the dream
and so close
to the darkness at the end of the tunnel

Me here
I'll stay dreaming
little done
but less lost

Through Open Doors

Every journey
only opens doors

Never decorates the walls and closes in the warmth
The handshakes and back pats
all fall
on a heart that knows now what

Every journey
only grows you

makes you feel
only that you should have always been able

So short lived
is the real joy of the push
the last miles that could be nothing less than one foot
over one foot
and no other thought

Such clarity
has no room

and yet the world gets back in
and rolls every edge dull again

Found and Denying It Still

the alcohol
pulls my veins to the side
and makes them matter not
to the happiness of my head

I could throw so much away
and not lose a thing
for the moment

sure a sun somewhere has a number
it's figuring is mine

but it is not,
not yet,
yet mine

for now I am invisible
or free

free under the darkness
and its fine black feathers

wind at my back
leaning on me with all reassurances
fueled by whatever no matter

fueled feels so good
so good to always
always come back here
again and again

but really
as often as this ends or begins well
it more often ends
an end all alone
or less than the sum
of all that went in
and away

so long to find a mind that was sound
or enough so
to be me

and all this time left
left to avoid it more