To Go On

feeling it impossible
to go on,

not because it is heavy
but far too light,

and far too
off in the distant yet to be.

Far to far away
from where I want to be,

and despite knowing what to do
I also know
it will be so many days,

so many days
before I can be there,

and that when I am,
most of what I have now
will not be around for the arrival.

My kids will grow
and leave
and my friends will wander in and out
of my life and surely not be all the same.

I will look at a picture
or read a "to: Dada" note from now
and cry to go back.

The old will go on
and the young will come in
and some others just for the mix.

Can't I just be
and
be happy,

here and now for always.

I am feeling it impossible to get the years
to where I want to be
and still be.

I want it now
like a teen nearly grown but held still
and impatient
never allowed all they know is coming,

but worse still,
I know... what I want...
never comes...
 while I am still who I am.

Change eternal
killing
with every birth.