in the surface

sunlight

dirty dishes
from forgotten meals

eaten fast
and quietly

slow air

good we have a table
to collect them all

to keep the memories alive

connected
a million times over
but all surface wires

light

touch
where a little more
in my head would be welcome

a little more interest
a hand
and hearing about pains
rather than approved ads for my life

triumphs come
unpredictably

but to have souls
to be with

more

could let live
and thrive
a life as it is

not only in
its brag-able moments
but in its anything

everything

Lies End

When living
lies
ends
getting well done...

am I a surviver or criminal?

Just trying to
get by,

but that's where
all excuses start.

Bad deeds
done over

and over
in well fitted sheets

are not
as white
as the bleach tells it.

Under the ashamed
and read face
is only a total
where a complete should be.

Guilty
and
alive.

Living alive
ends
getting well done.

What is...

Is a bird
what is

long
after its wings
have outlived their gift?

I think
it's very much so still
there's not much of any telling,

just the quiet heavy is...

Is the sun doing anything much
different today?
Or just is?

It's only the me looking.
From here.

The hell of perception;
all the magnificent and damned,
a judgement all the same.

We let be what we like
whether that's a great plural
or neat handful.

I've seen a least a shit or two go to hell
And come back burned,
So I'll take a plenty.

And hope.

Through letting all eyes
Have their sight
And being

Hope

That more
is surely
to survive
and flourish

though any
big bad wind,
flame,
or asshole
with an army
metal wing and all.

And even that asshole
Should see what mountain it is
To hold any down and any up
Than just an all helps all

Long after
The wings are worn
We need an all us
That can survive mirrors
And history books that victors write

Where has the Light Gone

Where
has the light gone?

Its rained,
fogged through
or greyed over
the last three weeks
like a bus on time.

A normal
I take
because it is

not because its right.

And that is
a vast canyon full of difference
for those that don't notice.

But as easy
to just do
as socks under shoes
unless your the one
with broken glass
to pick up.

Where
has
the light
gone?

Only Me

I'm only me,

and a lot
like broken glass
but with heart.

Hard
at work
holding all the pieces together.

Wanting only smiles,
but asking for them while in full grimace.

Mistaken
both within
and out.

So exhausting just from a to b;
bed to coffee,

but lubed
to slide on,

and add years
to the weight of regret
without a finger in the lift.

Perfect
at this living
on the fence
between
two brown yards.

I am only me
and disappoint accordingly.

A day
Soon
When we are

like this or
laying down,
waiting
maybe ready or not
I hope we connect.

again,
or...

say a thing or so
that lives

and remembers
more than is.

The save
is in seeing I am not as is
not enough can become

and desire creates actions
that redefine and expand
yesterday's legends

or reasons if you must
be simple here

only me,
is only
if I am after that alone.

We
so simpler to say
and fuller all the way.

edges sharpened
or worn
beautiful
all the same
if used to grow.

Center

When 

the only taste

of the world

you can get 

is grapefruit

Hopeful

but still 

all sour 

Raw

but divided

Thick 

with rind

Remember 

how naked that pink is

And how

you really can

get to the center of it

Gone

When

home and warmth

are gone

feelings

about it

are a good thing

to give up

Yet

that is just

one more foot dead

Using a bottle

to try and get clean

Smoke

to soften mirrors

A radio

for music

Dreams

over living

true 

so often better

but hard to explain to others

What you have

is both 

you

and why you can't fully become

When time

reveals 

how fast things can go

and how the forever

in hand

was not 

at all 

as long as suggested

Reflections are still

sharp

and all
that they see

The bottle still

just puts you out

And your foot

hurts

You'll

keep walking

till you're home

and warm

Even if

that's only 

into summer

Dreams Suck

Dreams suck
at living

So much
a feeling of peace
and being
and no ability to survive

All they do
is let me go

go on doing so my other things
cause after all
I'll get to the true me

some sunnier day
never mind how I like clouds

Is this shit I have to shovel
Any lighter
Because I have you,
My dreams?

I'm about to send
a nice big fuck you

Like I think you sent
in small pieces
so I'd not notice

Misused

Like rain
coming all the way down
only to find the gutter

No long winded business
in the soil

No time in leaf and stem
No roots

I sit here and wonder
does the house have to be empty to be alone

I feel not where
I meant to be
or maybe just
how I meant to be

But something missed
for sure

An all I can not give up
even now

Send in the Clouds

Oh repressive sun
send in your clouds
I dare

Enough of this light
stuff I can see but cant

All you send
is really reflection
I can't touch
barely a little warmth
my stove burns faster

Yet somehow you spin
almost everything that moves here

Or maybe just what crawls
And scratches the surface

Send in the clouds
rain my thoughts
out of mind

Too small
and as fleeting
as this light
I cant hold

I'll just stay here
and watch the cracks
fill

As it all runs away
To the big ocean

Something
I can always still
Go find

Fair Slides

I like
my good thoughts

But it's as much
the slips
as the fair slides

that have me
here

In a rewarded place
with stories that deserve less
but are more interesting

The this
that made
by many a chance
added carefully
over years to ripen

You don't have to smile
But I'll only remind you this once

These are far to welcome
To ensure scarcity

Smiles
and my good thoughts
especially
when
when they are together

Brittle

Branches
with glass leaves

Little need
For a world of wind

Collisions
all ending sharply

That is too often
my world
or how I feel getting along in it

Like I
am a bad ripple
Shattering

Instead of asking
why the world
let itself go
and get so brittle

Spent

I spent
  the first
         half
 of this pass

      this life
   waiting
to become

Now the second half
      has passed
    and loose change fallen
  I spend my days regretting
never having

but weight I have
  heavy

a being with obvious finality
  and I am not even all that close
    but it is no longer out of sight

salt in tears
something I hope to never forget the getting over of
all the many times of it

all the make-up sex
and this and that
and more

all the who the fuck cares
now so much everything

here

here
I have a ear
to cry to

a shoulder
to check my chip
upon

no rules
about shoes
on either side of the doors

simplicity
is not so bland
as it normally would have

oh
how good
to be
home

how little we share

I play
like I think ice lasts forever

Live
like limits are everywhere

Disconnected

Push
where pull was due

Standing tall
when a fall was gonna come with no out

And I could have just gone
down
and been back
so long ago

No
for this anything
made of nothing
I stand

Things last a long time
But rarely are the same for as long

It's like sometimes
we're all windows pretending to be people

All these walls
and furniture we see

Then the world
just a small glass square
and [what's visible of the] outer wall

Both
so unaware
How big
all the thoughts are

and how small
the sharing

We see each other
as frightening giants
and mighty small mice

at the same time

and commit all the crimes
both views
make seem
small

please melt the ice

Put Away

I keep getting
put away
fully loaded

Ready to go off
at any moment

or be jammed
up and silent
when most needed

How do I measure
alright
All right

No more smoke
to guide
the emergencies

A sharp
numb
calm

Hurts
But does not raise
couches

Living annoyance
Like a bussing black fly
But one that stays in the other room

Please unload
Or drop
and start over
I keep echoing

and unfortunately
listening like I am telling

And so
here I am
on loop.

Setting up

Living to die

Or how about
living to be born

Setting up
for a day
when you know
how to do what you want
or are needed to be

Oh yes
I do

But I fear
still a bit
more selfishly
than a most made of all
would approve

Something I can still go find

Oh repressive sun
send in your clouds
I dare

Enough of this light
stuff I can see but can't

All you send
is really reflection

I can't touch
barely a little warmth
my stove burns faster

Yet somehow
you spin almost everything that moves here

or maybe
just what crawls
and scratches the surface

Send in the clouds
rain my thoughts
out of mind

Too small
and as fleeting
as this light
I can't hold

I'll just stay here
and watch the cracks
fill

As it all runs away
to the big ocean

Something
I can
always still
go find

Uncertian

Sand makes glass
if you're hot enough

I've become clear
in a few occasions
to be in such a presence

But mostly live in mud
finer and more to the point
but forever uncertian

something more

Like rain
coming all the way down
only to find the gutter

no long winded business
in the soil
no time in leaf and stem
no roots

I sit here
and wonder
does the house have to be empty
to be alone

I feel not where
I meant to be
or maybe just how
I meant to be

but something missed
for sure

an all I can not give up
even now
but still
something more
can be

A more often better world

I walk into so many issues
without remembering this war
is not the one I am from

This might be what peace looks like
but I know so much I don't ask

and my number 12s
step all over
shit I should have seen

or at least stayed out of
or been asked about first

a world of catching up
slowing down
and never knowing
how out of sync
we live

Am I trying to help
show off
or be of value

Do I
have a clue
about how
they even begin
to differ

No
I'm made
of gray
and in betweens
at best

but I like happy faces
and the taste of things
that make them

So when that's not
what comes
I'm still gonna go on learning
and stepping
towards
what I hope
is a more
often better world

in the getting there

the joy
in love

is fed
in not always having

in an empty space

missing a kiss
not always being the one with gravity

the happy
start to fill the air
with more thanks
than long songs of love

cold

cold bits
and lost blankets
pine away

and I am not
sure where I fit
not happy
not warm
not cold

a lost
of its own

different
than knowing
you'd out to be
doing a thing one way
but drowned yourself instead

and different
than waking the next day
vowing to do better

no
stuck
between
any future
and a lacking as big

moving
as slow
as you'd expect
given the clarity

oh
if only I were cold
I'd at least know
to start out towards a blanket

beautiful browns

today
your beautiful browns
are looking blue
to me

only it's a bit more of lately
than new

I hope that despite
my loose grasp on my own shit
that I have something that betters your scenery
and doesn't just clutter up
otherwise empty space

It's so hard for me to get above and build
busy pounding down so many loose nails

needs and problems
over what should be

there is so much more
more
I want
want to do for this circle we dance
and never the time in a day for my speed

Here's hoping one way
or any
that those browns
find their warmer glow

high hopes

just because
you can play a guitar
doesn't mean I like your fingers

or any pick
they made believe

so much great sound
for a caged
and enclosed space

I am sure
despite what I feel
this moment

that there is
not enough

in there
to live
all the way up
to these expectations

high hopes have
a greater chance of respecting gravity
than flying on

and that is
what makes
hearing
for now
this just so
so very special

every high
must escape the last
or be just everyday

Spent reclaiming

recent years
spent losing

I hope

only like winter trees
in rest

with springs
ahead

still mornings
bring moments

once in a here
where I remember

the time
that's fallen

between then and now

but
those

they quickly
fade
to clarity

counting
around me
to make sure I still have

but stopping
none or little
heart

even small
touches
should

but in their absent
leave me only wondering
would they

would
they very often
far between

do now more
for longing

or anger
at their withholding

I hope this is
just darkness of cold
and not the all
and new to be

Stars Open in the Mountains

When the stars
  open
   you up

and the
  moon
   talks
to your eyes

here
 and there
at once

in it all
not some small
tooth in the gears
of traffic or mail

things become
both flat and warm like a blanket
and infinitey demensional

living briefly
among rocks that are sharp
but worn more than I'll ever know

Then and now

We were sound
and asleep by the time
the curtain of night
raised and let the world open back up

while the sun was busy
and away
   giving us space
to be alone
  together in the dark
I smiled

Now I am tired and busy
and the sky is bright again
but I still smile

mind full
  of then and now
happy to have moments good enough
to pull me back into them

the mountains or anywhere bare

a long way
  from home

and closer still
  to something more

what is done
 to the eyes

for the first
  seeing home
    as something away

from the us
  we were
    from the mountains that eat us
      to the lakes that feed us
         and the skies that see it all

we dance, walk, and be

home
  is safe
    home is
      the same

day after day
  work after work
    just because that is
      the way

      show you do
      just what you should

up here
  it is more about
 this is
  just
   what you do
     
part of the land your foot strikes
  not the house your money can buy

a long way from home
  we all look
   each other in the eye
 just humans and earth
 
all we really are
  sans all the culture we place higher
   for so little reward and such great cost

need

when's the last time
you stayed
with something
you knew was all wrong
but filling a certain need

when's the last time
you lived that kind of lived

that kind of lived
that is a becoming
no matter the cost

safe enough
you know you'll live through
but be forever warped
yet well so

all the ready
to go crazy
so long as it takes you far

far from here
and all the little things you had

goodbye
and hello
all wrapped up
in a night and one good morning

I've not
in a long long time
but seen this other side

this other side
where the years add up
and really mean something
more

more than any
impulse could ever pluck from the ether
no matter how ethereal the lighting
might be

Choking

choking on a dinner
a million would kill to have

what a waste
me and the bite

got bricks and
more to wall me in
and all the good I've ever stolen

so easy to stand tall
when you have no idea how short
from honest
and good you are

I stand very tall
but less than yesterday

maybe there is more
in the less I thought I'd have
if I did different

maybe
someday
we'll see
but today with uncertain emotions
I'm still choking on a dinner
so many could make use of

loving the cans and garbage disposals
that take all the guilt away
and leave me clean

what a wonderful priledge
to walk so well
and true
with eyes closed

what a wonderful
fully
fucked world
we walk along

Out here

Out here
in
    the dark and dangerous
       I find what I need
          to eat and thrive
              and not lie

    protected in walls
      I have a safety
         but it costs
 
Fences
     all the same

Less of the moments
     I know I will remember

        and more
             of the just how it should be

        well protected
               neglected if need be
 
Tragic times
    once done
          the more rewarding treasures

    scarcity does wonders for appreciation
        if you survive the in-betweens
 
Out here
     dangerous
         and
           all the makes
             of makes life
   
    pop
    burst
    and be
         all you really only were



 
 
       

Got It So Good

tears
   for what deserves none
     
           all the pain with no lube
 
  weight I don't deserve
           nor really have
               but something dark and thick is hanging all over me

got it so good
    and that never explains me and all I get wrong

All Eyes

I spend most days
walking

through the crowds
like a ghost

just kinda
being

barely
noticed

and when
I'm not
I feel
like all eyes
               are on me

why can't I
just go
down

down the walks
        and streets

with a small group
         of good friends

and not these
extremes

alone
and terrified I'm not